Confronting Weight-Related Criticism

If a relative or friend criticizes your appearance or weight, or that of your children, don't let this one go. It's too personal and invasive. For example, you might respond: "I appreciate that you're concerned about my weight but I'm within a healthy weight range and I'm eating well. My doctor is happy with my health." Or, "I understand that you worry about Kaila's weight and appearance but I prefer to concentrate on the children's personality and intellectual development rather than making them feel uncomfortable about their physical appearance. Kaila's eating healthily and her doctor's happy with her health."

Eliminating Body-Based Bullying From Schools

In my psychotherapy practice I have heard too many stories of kids who were picked on because of their weight while teachers stood by or even subtly encouraged it. I just read a good article on how to make your school bully proof and I think many of the general principles apply to the issue of how to eliminate body-based bullying:

1. If you are a student, initiate a club that promotes tolerance and respect for students of all sizes. Work with teachers and administrators to create schoolwide activities. Hold assemblies and make them both informative and fun (go multimedia!).

2. Create campaigns that encourage other students to report bullying, including verbal abuse around body size and shape. Most often, both victims and witnesses are too intimidated or ashamed to come forward. Brainstorm with your school counselors on ways to helped bullied students take control of their situation. Make informational flyers, innovative videos.

3. Establish a student-run and peer-mentored “hotline.” This may be as simple as creating a group of advocates who take turns being “on call” through a chat program at designated times

4. If you are a parent, make a habit of talking to your child about his or her day at school. Get the details in an inviting and engaging way. Ask not only about schoolwork but also about friends and extracurricular activities. Remain informed about his or her social relationships. Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.

Body-based bullying need not be tolerated. Every student should be encouraged to accept and value their healthy body shape and size.

New Book Offers Tools to Combat Societal Messages

In a society that worships thinness, it’s little wonder that so many women devote an enormous amount of time, energy, and expense in the pursuit of a slender body. This pursuit has come to function like a religion, with it’s own set of beliefs, myths, rituals, images, and moral codes that encourage followers to seek “salvation” through weight loss.

At the heart of this secular “Religion of Thinness” is the belief that in order to be happy, healthy, and beautiful, one must be noticeably slim. Idealized images of this ideal inspire devotees to define themselves through their physical appearance, while daily rituals like counting fat grams and burning calories give them a sense of control.

The Religion of Thinness has its own moral guidelines: “good” and “bad” foods, as well as guilt and the possibility of penance for those who transgress. Before and after advertisements invite us to be “born again” by transfiguring our flesh, while weight-loss programs tap into our desire for community by promoting solidarity in the crusade against fat. Fanatics, like Pro-Ana websites provide thinspiration, and the most orthodox adherents develop eating disorders.

Ultimately, The Religion of Thinness offers false promises of freedom and fulfillment that leave followers feeling unsatisfied and incomplete. Learning to identify and more adequately address unmet spiritual needs is a crucial step toward resolving conflicts with food and weight.

The Religion of Thinness offers two practical tools to help readers on this journey: cultural criticism and mindfulness practice. Through the use of practical techniques, readers become more conscious of widespread societal messages that fuel the $60 billion weight loss industry and become deeply aware of internal responses, which can free them to live more peacefully in their own flesh. With its combined emphasis on cultural critique and spiritual growth, The Religion of Thinness charts new territory in the movement to create a culture in which the bodies of all people are unconditionally accepted, respected, cared for, and loved.

On Loving Unconditionally

1. Realize that everyone, no matter what creed, color, or situation deserves love. As humans we all want to be happy and feel loved. We should want this not only for ourselves but for others as well.

2. Think of love as an action, not a feeling. A feeling is something we get from someone, and when we stop getting it, we often change our behavior somehow. If we have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional. Instead, if you start thinking of love as the behavior itself, the reward becomes the feeling you get when you act a certain way, not when someone else acts a certain way. And you can continue acting this way all the time, regardless of how other people behave--it becomes an act of generosity.

3. Always ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Love isn't really one size fits all; what might be a loving act toward one person could be harmful to another person, in that it doesn't help them get closer to becoming a truly happy human being. Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, not a hard and fast rule you can apply to everyone all the time.

4. Remember that love doesn't mean making sure someone is always comfortable. If you believe loving someone is about fostering their growth, most people acknowledge that pain and discomfort are part of growth, and if you shield someone from all pain or discomfort, you are not loving them. So, don't confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from any kind of pain. If you do, you are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings.

I think the answer is for mothers to accept their daughter's weight and food choices.  Emphasize other qualities in your child, such as her character and interests.  If you find this is difficult to do, therapy which explores the negative messages you were given about your own body can help break the cycle and help you feel better about yourself now.  Great question, please feel to post other questions here.

Support Group

Depending on the level of interest, the group may start up again in July.  Please let us know your preferences for days and times.  In the meantime, here are some other groups that are still going:

Amy Grabowski, MA, LPC
Awakening Center

Address: 3523 N. Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60657
Email: info@awakeningcenter.net
Website: www.awakeningcenter.net
* Tuesday evenings 7-8:30 pm (Family/ Friends welcome) 

*Saturday mornings 9:30 - 11:00am

                                   

                                                                       

Megan Pietrucha

Address:  Insight Psychological Centers

     205 N. Michigan Ave. #301

Phone: 312-540-9955

*Meets every Friday from 12-1 p.m.

Please continue to post questions and comments

Even though our eating disorders support group is currently on a break, we encourage our community to continue to use this blog to ask questions or make suggestions.  If we get enough requests to start a particular kind of support group, we will try to make it happen!

Lakeview ED Group on Hiatus

Due to staff transitions here at the Lakeview Center for Psychotherapy, our Eating Disorders Support Group is going to go on hiatus. Our last meeting will be held tonight, Friday April 30th, at 7pm. If you'd like to be told when we start the group back up again, please comment here and let us know. In the meantime, ANAD (The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Related Disorders) will be happy to help you find other support groups in the area. They can be reached at (630)577-1330, and also have information on their website at anad.org.

It has been an honor to lead the group during this time, and I thank everyone who has come for sharing their stories and their support.

Best,
Liz

Questions?

If you have questions about eating disorders or disordered eating post them here. A therapist will respond. (This forum is to provide information only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy.)

Mother's Weight Anxiety Strongly Affects Pre-School Girls' Self-Esteem

The journal Pediatrics, 2001, reported that preschool girls whose mother expressed "higher concern" over their daughters' weights not only reported more negative body images than their peers but also perceived themselves as less smart and less physically capable, regardless of the child's actual size.