Confronting Weight-Related Criticism

If a relative or friend criticizes your appearance or weight, or that of your children, don't let this one go. It's too personal and invasive. For example, you might respond: "I appreciate that you're concerned about my weight but I'm within a healthy weight range and I'm eating well. My doctor is happy with my health." Or, "I understand that you worry about Kaila's weight and appearance but I prefer to concentrate on the children's personality and intellectual development rather than making them feel uncomfortable about their physical appearance. Kaila's eating healthily and her doctor's happy with her health."

Eliminating Body-Based Bullying From Schools

In my psychotherapy practice I have heard too many stories of kids who were picked on because of their weight while teachers stood by or even subtly encouraged it. I just read a good article on how to make your school bully proof and I think many of the general principles apply to the issue of how to eliminate body-based bullying:

1. If you are a student, initiate a club that promotes tolerance and respect for students of all sizes. Work with teachers and administrators to create schoolwide activities. Hold assemblies and make them both informative and fun (go multimedia!).

2. Create campaigns that encourage other students to report bullying, including verbal abuse around body size and shape. Most often, both victims and witnesses are too intimidated or ashamed to come forward. Brainstorm with your school counselors on ways to helped bullied students take control of their situation. Make informational flyers, innovative videos.

3. Establish a student-run and peer-mentored “hotline.” This may be as simple as creating a group of advocates who take turns being “on call” through a chat program at designated times

4. If you are a parent, make a habit of talking to your child about his or her day at school. Get the details in an inviting and engaging way. Ask not only about schoolwork but also about friends and extracurricular activities. Remain informed about his or her social relationships. Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.

Body-based bullying need not be tolerated. Every student should be encouraged to accept and value their healthy body shape and size.

New Book Offers Tools to Combat Societal Messages

In a society that worships thinness, it’s little wonder that so many women devote an enormous amount of time, energy, and expense in the pursuit of a slender body. This pursuit has come to function like a religion, with it’s own set of beliefs, myths, rituals, images, and moral codes that encourage followers to seek “salvation” through weight loss.

At the heart of this secular “Religion of Thinness” is the belief that in order to be happy, healthy, and beautiful, one must be noticeably slim. Idealized images of this ideal inspire devotees to define themselves through their physical appearance, while daily rituals like counting fat grams and burning calories give them a sense of control.

The Religion of Thinness has its own moral guidelines: “good” and “bad” foods, as well as guilt and the possibility of penance for those who transgress. Before and after advertisements invite us to be “born again” by transfiguring our flesh, while weight-loss programs tap into our desire for community by promoting solidarity in the crusade against fat. Fanatics, like Pro-Ana websites provide thinspiration, and the most orthodox adherents develop eating disorders.

Ultimately, The Religion of Thinness offers false promises of freedom and fulfillment that leave followers feeling unsatisfied and incomplete. Learning to identify and more adequately address unmet spiritual needs is a crucial step toward resolving conflicts with food and weight.

The Religion of Thinness offers two practical tools to help readers on this journey: cultural criticism and mindfulness practice. Through the use of practical techniques, readers become more conscious of widespread societal messages that fuel the $60 billion weight loss industry and become deeply aware of internal responses, which can free them to live more peacefully in their own flesh. With its combined emphasis on cultural critique and spiritual growth, The Religion of Thinness charts new territory in the movement to create a culture in which the bodies of all people are unconditionally accepted, respected, cared for, and loved.

On Loving Unconditionally

1. Realize that everyone, no matter what creed, color, or situation deserves love. As humans we all want to be happy and feel loved. We should want this not only for ourselves but for others as well.

2. Think of love as an action, not a feeling. A feeling is something we get from someone, and when we stop getting it, we often change our behavior somehow. If we have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional. Instead, if you start thinking of love as the behavior itself, the reward becomes the feeling you get when you act a certain way, not when someone else acts a certain way. And you can continue acting this way all the time, regardless of how other people behave--it becomes an act of generosity.

3. Always ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Love isn't really one size fits all; what might be a loving act toward one person could be harmful to another person, in that it doesn't help them get closer to becoming a truly happy human being. Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, not a hard and fast rule you can apply to everyone all the time.

4. Remember that love doesn't mean making sure someone is always comfortable. If you believe loving someone is about fostering their growth, most people acknowledge that pain and discomfort are part of growth, and if you shield someone from all pain or discomfort, you are not loving them. So, don't confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from any kind of pain. If you do, you are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings.

I think the answer is for mothers to accept their daughter's weight and food choices.  Emphasize other qualities in your child, such as her character and interests.  If you find this is difficult to do, therapy which explores the negative messages you were given about your own body can help break the cycle and help you feel better about yourself now.  Great question, please feel to post other questions here.

Support Group

Depending on the level of interest, the group may start up again in July.  Please let us know your preferences for days and times.  In the meantime, here are some other groups that are still going:

Amy Grabowski, MA, LPC
Awakening Center

Address: 3523 N. Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60657
Email: info@awakeningcenter.net
Website: www.awakeningcenter.net
* Tuesday evenings 7-8:30 pm (Family/ Friends welcome) 

*Saturday mornings 9:30 - 11:00am

                                   

                                                                       

Megan Pietrucha

Address:  Insight Psychological Centers

     205 N. Michigan Ave. #301

Phone: 312-540-9955

*Meets every Friday from 12-1 p.m.

Please continue to post questions and comments

Even though our eating disorders support group is currently on a break, we encourage our community to continue to use this blog to ask questions or make suggestions.  If we get enough requests to start a particular kind of support group, we will try to make it happen!

Lakeview ED Group on Hiatus

Due to staff transitions here at the Lakeview Center for Psychotherapy, our Eating Disorders Support Group is going to go on hiatus. Our last meeting will be held tonight, Friday April 30th, at 7pm. If you'd like to be told when we start the group back up again, please comment here and let us know. In the meantime, ANAD (The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Related Disorders) will be happy to help you find other support groups in the area. They can be reached at (630)577-1330, and also have information on their website at anad.org.

It has been an honor to lead the group during this time, and I thank everyone who has come for sharing their stories and their support.

Best,
Liz

Questions?

If you have questions about eating disorders or disordered eating post them here. A therapist will respond. (This forum is to provide information only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy.)

Mother's Weight Anxiety Strongly Affects Pre-School Girls' Self-Esteem

The journal Pediatrics, 2001, reported that preschool girls whose mother expressed "higher concern" over their daughters' weights not only reported more negative body images than their peers but also perceived themselves as less smart and less physically capable, regardless of the child's actual size.

"Supermodel Citizen" - The Echoing Green

Our discussion at the meeting last night about unrealistic body images in the media made me think of this song, by The Echoing Green, who are a band I like a lot:

"Supermodel Citizen"

Picture in the fashion magazine says I'm not complete
It's so discreet...I smell deceit
They need someone to make 'perfect' but I can see -
That somebody's not me

You buy into what they're selling and then
They kick you down until you start all over again
They don't care where you're coming from
Or where you've been
As long as you're a supermodel citizen

Empty faces on your screen
(Supermodel citizen)
Tearing down your self esteem
(Supermodel citizen)

Is there a difference between what is me
And what I see on the TV?
Someone showing me the 'me' I'm supposed to be...
It's not a physical reality
Well don't think, don't worry, don't talk just
Hurry grab the phone and get your order in by 10:00
They'll never let up 'til you're fed up
And you set up your lifetime account
With supermodel citizen

Empty faces on your screen
(Supermodel citizen)
Tearing down your self esteem
(Supermodel citizen)

If they used more than their eyes
They'd be able to see
There's a heavenly beauty
Inside of me

***

It is so important to look for that beauty inside ourselves, and sometimes so difficult to see it.

- Liz

What do you think needs to be done to bring more awareness about eating disorders?

I think the best way to intervene is to educate parents about how to promote positive attitudes in their children about their bodies and food.  The earlier eating disorders are detected, the easier it is to change these patterns.  Schools are now much more aware of the signs of eating disorders and intervene on students' behalf.  

Most people now have a fairly good awareness of eating disorders, what they may be unaware of is how prevalent disordered eating is.  A majority of women and more and more men are attempting to keep their bodies below their natural healthy set point.  Only a small number of bodies can be both healthy and thin.  Accepting our natural body shape is key to overcoming both disordered eating and eating disorders.

Another point that could be emphasized to the public is that eating disorders are not about vanity and appearance but are indicative of a person's low self-esteem, loneliness, anxiety and depression.  As it becomes less stigmatized and more acceptable to seek counseling and psychotherapy, more people may receive these services before their eating disorders become entrenched. 

What do you wish people would know about this issue?

One thing I think it is difficult for people who don't struggle with the disorder to grasp is that getting over an eating disorder is not just a matter of willpower, determination, or "just doing it." These behaviors are the expression of a person's inner conflicts and worries.  Until these underlying issues are address, it a very difficult to imagine giving up the disorder.

Another topic which people misunderstand is the connection between our society's dieting culture and the prevalence of eating disorders.  When people of normal healthy weight call themselves fat and constantly discuss the need to lose weight, it contributes to a perfectionism and an unrealistic standard that encourages eating disorders.  It is hard to for clients to understand why everyone around them is restricting and over-exercising when they are trying to stop.  I would like to see healthy people making positive comments about their bodies and enjoying food without guilt.  I would like to see people of all sizes represented positively in the media.

Finally, I would like to see more of an emphasis in our culture on strengthening supportive family and community connections, as isolation and a lack of loving, accepting relationships are also significant factors in the development of eating disorders.

What have you learned in working with eating disorders?

One thing I've learned in working with eating disorders is how to stay calm and allow clients to progress at their own pace.  When someone is doing something that is harmful, it is easy to become panicked and push them to give up the symptom before they are ready.  This tends to backfire.  What I have learned is to help the client find the part of her or himself that wants to find better ways of managing their feelings and difficulties, and to provide a sense of hope that change is possible for them.  There is always a fine tightrope to walk between acceptance and change. Another important idea I've learned in this work is that every symptom, no matter how seemingly self-destructive, serves an important function and is that person's best attempt to cope with their circumstances.  This understanding also allows me to respect my clients' attachment to their eating disorder while at the same time, gently encouraging them to experiment with new methods of self-care.

What Is it like to work with eating disorders?

I find it very rewarding to work with eating disorders.  They are complex problems that require creativity, flexibility and patience to address.  Eating disorders are the result of cultural and societal pressures as well as individual vulnerabilities.  When I work with people with eating disorders I like to think I am helping the individual and also helping to make small changes in societal values.  When a person is motivated to change his or her relationship with food, there is a high rate of recovery.  It is exciting to me to watch someone becoming more balanced, self-confident, and productive.  As people are able to let go of their eating disorder symptoms they have more energy available to focus on their goals and reach their potential.

Eating Disorders Questions

Alitze is a social work student working on a project about eating disorders.  I am posting the answers to her questions here because I think they are helpful to the general public.

Struggling with food or body image?

Our group is open to men and women struggling with restricting, bingeing, compulsive eating, compulsive exercise, and body image difficulties. Friends, partners, and family members are welcome too.  Drop in or call Liz for more information.

Lakeview ED Group meeting Fridays 7 - 8 pm

We're now meeting regularly on Friday evenings from 7 to 8 pm in the basement studio of the Lakeview Center at 3322 N. Ashland Ave. (right near Belmont and Ashland, off the Paulina Brown Line stop). Stop by, or call (773) 506-4454 for more information!

Lakeview ED Group Restarting Friday 2/26 at 7pm

The Eating Disorders Support Group will be meeting starting this Friday, February 26th, from 7pm to 8pm. The group is a free, weekly, drop-in support group for people of all ages dealing with eating disorders of any kind. We meet at 3322 N. Ashland Avenue, in the basement floor meeting room. Please call Liz Nickrenz at (773) 506-4454 if you would like more information about the group, to let us know you are coming, or to request a discussion topic.

Looking forward to seeing you!
Liz

Restarting Lakeview support group

It is looking like we are moving toward Friday at 7pm as a time to hold the group. But we want to make sure this is a time when you would be available to attend! If you are interested in attending the group, please comment here or call (773) 506-4454 and let us know whether this time would work for you.

Looking forward to starting things up again!
Liz

Support Group on Temporary Hiatus

The Eating Disorders support group at the Lakeview Center for Psychotherapy is on a temporary hiatus until the end of January. We will be starting up meetings again in February, possibly on Friday evenings. Watch this space for updates - or call Liz Nickrenz at (773) 506-4454 if you are interested in being contacted when groups begin again.